When my daughter’s good, she’s really good; when she’s being naughty, it’s all shades of frustrating, dangerous and well, loud. But more times than not, she casts off the terrible twos’ (or threes, if we’re being honest) antics for a much more responsible and respectful soul. When I saw this starting to happen, when she had developed enough psychologically that she stopped being me-centered and began to think of how her actions could affect change in the people around her, I started to encourage that.

I’ve also always allowed her to help me in some way – children are notorious for wanting to help (usually at the least convenient time and manner) – providing commentary about how she was or wasn’t being helpful, and how happy and proud she should be of herself when she succeeded in something she’d never done before.

This is a vague version of Positive Reinforcement: the practice of using effective two-way communication with your child to build and continue positive behaviors and eliminate unwanted ones. Using a parenting method like this can help children to develop high confidence levels based upon their achievements, as opposed to using negative messages, bribes and threats.

So, because me daughter likes to help me, once a week, we bake together. When I do laundry, she helps me sort the dirty clothes, and once they’re dry, she has her own job to tackle: matching socks and putting away underwear. She always gets to help me pick out food at the grocery store; alternate making choices with me, such as which movie we will rent, or or dinner options; and when I get into a cleaning fit (which happens more often, than not), she gets her own area to whip into shape.

Because I’ve let her have so much responsibility, I have a child who can put away her entire room of toys and come bounding out with a gigantic smile, announcing “I did it, Mama!” She will put her dirty dishes on the counter or in the sink, her dirty clothes in the hamper, and will clean up spills if she makes a mess. And best of all, besides the time and effort she’s saved me by doing these ‘chores’, she feels proud of herself.

It wasn’t always this easy and the motivation didn’t always come to either of us, because, let’s be honest, sometimes it’s a lot easier to just do it yourself. There’s parents all over the world who are consistently cleaning their children’s playthings off of floors, because it’s quicker and less potential for an argument over the task. When parents are working 16 hours days, between out-of-home jobs and taking care of their homes and families, saving 10 minutes and a temper tantrum from developing are like lovely, peaceful gold. And if they’re anything like me, they might even find tidying to be therapeutic.

There’s alternatives to doing-it-all-yourself, fellow parent, even if you’re not quite ready to jump into full-time positive reinforcement practice.

Start a chore chart

Using a chart that you’ve created to show the days of the week and the tasks your child is capable of taking on, you can reward accomplishments with stickers, celebrating each one as it goes up. Time saver: Get the Melissa & Doug Magnetic Responsibility Chart, which uses magnets instead of stickers, to indicate achievements like get dressed, say please and thank you, and brush teeth.

Don’t bribe, but…

Consider an allowance for your child. Based on their ‘chores’, like putting away socks and underwear, and cleaning up play areas, they could earn a few cents per job. This also gives them the opportunity to develop important money-handling skills, like saving up for a toy.

Brag to others and remind your child

You’re the parent, so people expect you to brag about your child’s accomplishments a little bit. And kids really love to hear their parents telling others about what they’ve done right. Each time that they overhear a family member or friend being told of their accomplishments, it reinforces the effort they put forth; each time you remind your child about how helpful they were when they did x, y or z, it projects a message that helpful is a great feeling.

I’m lucky to have a two year old who is really excited to help at nearly any occasion. Via positive reinforcement, I hope to continue this behavior from her. Hopefully by the time she’s five, I can start giving her the chores I really detest, while I take a bubble bath!