So my oldest stepdaughter has made it back from her great sojourn to Northern California. She went out there to give real life a try and to get some experience as a professional photographer. It was a bold move for someone at age 19 who had lived in a Midwestern suburb her whole life. I am proud of her for trying and learning more about what she really wants in life, but I am not surprised to see her come back in just 6 months.

When she arrived in California with her modest nest egg of earnings from Ohio, she was optimistic and willing to give anything a try. When trying to buy gas for her car, keep groceries stocked and pay for her cell phone made things pretty tight, she started babysitting to make ends meet. The shine was getting lost pretty quickly and she worked hard to keep her chin up and even made time to do a photography gig.

Within a couple of months she was still struggling to make ends meet and finding it harder each day to keep her spirits high. And that’s when that feeling was stronger than ever, “I want to come home!”

It was by following her on her journey that I realized my role as a parent is completely different now. It was when I realized that the only way to really “help” and parent her now was by offering advice and perspective so she could find her way. I realized how fresh in my memory my own 20-something years were and how easy it was to remember how lost I felt the first time out on my own. And I didn’t even go anywhere cool!

I knew that I couldn’t make her feel all better and I couldn’t just let her run for safe haven either. It was time to sit back and wait for when she was ready to hear advice and make some decisions on her own. That was when I could be the best parent I could be for her now.

No matter how much I want to help get her a job, or get her enrolled in college or give her a place to stay, it truly isn’t what she needs most. At 20, she wants more than anything to make a home of her own. She’s fallen in love on her journey and wants to try sharing her home with someone else.

She’s at an unique point in her life where she can try whatever she wants and has only experience to gain. It sounds like a lovely place to be, one where there really aren’t mistakes, just learning experiences lined up in a row… but I know she’s scared, and so am I.

Knowing that every moment of parenting up until now was in preparation for what she is about to do. All the advice, lectures, groundings and tears growing up were to teach her how to make choices and to recognize consequences. There are moments when I feel utterly confident and I know I did a good job. And there are other moments that I know from personal experience, that there are some things that parents just can’t teach you.

She is such a strong and profoundly deep young woman with nothing but a desire to do right by everyone she knows. I absolutely *know* without a doubt in my heart or mind that she will be okay, even better than okay. I also know there will be some bumps, bruises and heartache too, but she will weather it all and come out the other side even stronger and more compassionate.

While all of this happens, I will be here to listen, advise and commiserate in my new role as the parent of a grown up. Since she is up for the challenge of what’s next, I will be too… with some fingers crossed and phone at the ready.

- Holly