Every serious relationship has one. Certainly, my parents did. I’ve observed it in the marriages of my friends and family. The…ominous drum roll here…bad guy.

Unfortunately, in my marriage, it’s me, especially when it comes to parenting. Basically, I’m a killjoy (find out about your parenting style here).

I’m the one who nixes the dinner out plans because the kids simply have way too much homework. Impulse purchases? Nope, no room in the budget. Sleepover at a friend’s house? Not until I meet the parents. 

My husband loves to glance at me when the kids ask a question. “Well, if Mom says it’s okay” is his standard response. I want to snarl at him, “Do you really think it’s okay for our five-year-old to have ice cream for dinner?”

He also loves to word things so that even when he’s giving the direction, I’m still the responsible meanie. For example, he’ll yell out to the backyard, “It’s 8:00. Mom wants you guys to come inside for bed.”

How about dropping the Mom part. 

Most of the time I enjoy being the parent who is most involved. After all, years ago we decided that I would stop working so that I could be involved with our children full time.  It only makes sense that I would be the one making lots of the mundane decisions. Often, I really do have more of a sense of what to say or do simply because I’m with the kids all of the time. It’s my job and I like it.

I wouldn’t really want my husband to come home from work and change all of my ground rules. It’s natural that he would follow my lead. However, we need to be united when it comes to rules and discipline. Our kids are too savvy for us to stand alone.

My parents were very similar in their parenting dynamics. My father always deferred to my mother when it came to parenting.

True story. My wise guy sister wanted to see if she could get my father to say no to her, so she fabricated an outrageous request. When she was 16-years-old, she asked him if she could go to Florida for spring break with some friends and sleep on the beach. He looked at her doubtfully, but responded, “Well, if your mother says it’s okay.” 

Upon hearing this, my mother was appalled. She asked my father, “Do you really think it’s safe for a 16-year-old teenage girl to travel hundreds of miles away with her friends and sleep on a beach?”

He replied, “Of course not. But you know more about raising kids”.

Now both my father and my husband are stand up guys. My mother was lucky and I’m lucky. Hard working, wonderful, loving men. So what’s story here?

Here’s what I think. They don’t want to be the bad guy. They want all of the glory and kudos that goes along with being the good guy. And they just love their kids so stinkin’ much. 

However, I have no doubt that if something had happened to my mother, my father would have changed his tune.

And I have no doubt that if something happened to me, my husband would transform himself overnight into “the bad guy.” My kids would hear things come out of his mouth that they’d never heard him say before.

“Time to do your homework…

“Those shorts are too short…

“You can’t wear makeup to school…

“… because Daddy said so.”

-Kay