This week I attended a Parent-Teacher Association meeting. I was absolutely stunned at the childish behavior. Here’s what happened:

The whole thing appeared to be well-organized. There was an agenda printed off, the officers were sitting at the head of the table (one with a laptop, armed to take notes), and the principal, teachers and parents were ready to have discussions about the school. Looks good so far.

The officers read through the minutes of the last meeting. The principal presented academic scores of the school, which were wonderful. Terrific.

Then, a parent (clearly annoyed) raised her hand. She calmly stated parents are not being kept in the loop about what is going on. She added that she had brought this up to the committee years ago and still nothing has been done to improve the situation. The problem was simple: Communicate more effectively with parents.

Oh boy. The air was still and quiet. Then the bickering started. The parents who had been at the school for years (aka: cronies) ferociously defended the system. Childish phrases flew across the room (no name calling, thank goodness!).

• Call another parent. Call the school. Call the teacher (translation: the system is fine)
• You just have to get used to it (translation: tough)
• The teachers are doing their best (translation: back off)
• The children are told what is going on, just ask them (translation: the system is fine)
• We can’t solve every single problem (translation: we’re not going to change)

The underlying, collective response was, “it isn’t our fault, this is your problem” – sounds a lot like how my kindergartener would respond – “it’s not my fault!” If the system is so “fine” why are parents upset?

Ironically, the committee and principal had just finished telling us that (and I quote) “problem-solving has become a critical component in our curriculum.” Really? Hmm

This ugly banter didn’t even have a hint of problem-solving. It was just bickering. Clearly, the committee and principal were not practicing what they said they were preaching.

It was astonishing that the officers and/or principal did not intervene when the defensive bickering started. It was even more astonishing that they participated in it!

Not exactly Problem-Solving 101, which involves six incredibly simple steps:
• Step 1. Initiate mediation: begin problem-solving
• Step 2. Gather data: get information
• Step 3. Define the problem: find out what each person wants
• Step 4. Brainstorm ideas: generate alternative solutions
• Step 5. Agree on a solution
• Step 6. Follow-through: bring closure and monitor

And so, I took a deep breath and tried to get us to Step 2 in Problem-Solving. “It appears there is a genuine concern here from the parents. This is not a personal attack on anyone. This is a problem that needs to be addressed.”

Dead silence…..followed by more bickering and defensiveness.

The result: More disappointment.

I broke into the bickering to try to create positive movement. “Could I just say one more thing?” The room got quiet. “This has been a beautiful process.” People literally laughed out loud. I continued, “We have a room full of parents who care about what is happening with their children. This isn’t true for all schools. This is a beautiful situation because all the parents want is to be informed and involved. I’m certain we can come up with solutions that will help all of us help our children.”

My plan: To forgive the childish behaviors, including the laughter. To investigate deeper into why the PTA wouldn’t want to keep parents more informed. To cross “party lines” (as they say in the Senate) in order to develop a constructive solution.

I feel like a Presidential candidate! Vote for me! I’ll fix the world’s problems. Wish me luck!

- Lisa