Hard Lessons I’ve Learned at the Pediatrician’s Office
You are in charge of your child’s health. Period. I’ve gotten much better at this over the years for the simple reason that I’ve learned to be much more outspoken and assertive with their pediatricians. A few hard lessons changed my attitude.
One happened after moving across the country several years ago. Prior to moving, I requested my children’s medical records to take with me. My pediatrician informed me that their procedure was for me to fill out a release form and when I reached my destination they would mail it to my new pediatrician. I really wanted those records in my hands before moving thousands of miles away, but I meekly agreed.
Upon reaching our new home, my new pediatrician requested the medical records and received it. For two of my three children, plus some unknown child. Well, mistakes happen. Kind of a big mistake, given privacy issues but we’re human, right? So, I called. And called. And called. Each time I was told, “we’re looking for your daughter’s records. We know it’s here and we’ll get it out to you quickly.”
Weeks went by. I kept calling. Finally, they told me, “we’re so sorry but we’ve lost your daughter’s records. The Doctor recommends that she get all of the immunizations again.”
My daughter was four-years-old at that time. Even during the initial round of immunizations I had that little voice in my head saying, “Are you sure?” There is so much concern about autism and the effects of immunizations that many parents approach shots as a necessary evil, at best.
I looked through the sketchy records I had shoved into her baby book. I had some, but not all. I did know absolutely that there was NO WAY I was exposing my child to unnecessary immunizations. So, I called my old pediatrician back (actually, the poor receptionist because the actual doctor was never “available”).
“I am unwilling to reimmunize my child. I need you to go back through your billing records and recreate her records. I need it within one week or I will call the Attorney General, the AMA, the AAP, and my lawyer.”
I received those records in overnight mail. I kick myself for not demanding them initially when my gut told me I should personally take them and for not being more assertive the moment I received the incorrect records. I hadn’t wanted to be rude or pushy.
Another lesson I learned the hard way is assuming the Doctor is thinking about my unique child when making medical decisions. When my daughter, Grace, was three-years-old she began to suffer from red, itchy eyes. Our pediatrician recommended allergy testing. I didn’t want anything too invasive or intense since it wasn’t a huge nuisance to Grace. I was willing to play with her diet for a while or wait it out to see if it was seasonal.
However, the doctor influenced me. The skin prick test could rule some things out and make the diagnosis process quicker.
So we went to the appointment, and it was tough. Grace sat on my lap facing me. She wrapped her legs around me and buried her face in my neck. The nurse marked her back with pen and then the doctor pricked her skin in different locations with various allergens. Grace was so stoic, trembling as I hugged her.
Well, the results were inconclusive because she reacted to each skin prick. There were two different explanations for this. Either she was developing allergies to most everything (please, no) or her coloring was so fair that her skin was irritated by the skin prick, rather than the allergens.
Now, after explanation #2, I was consumed with frustration. You see, Gracie is the poster child for fair skin. She has red hair and freckles, for crying out loud. So, why didn’t anyone, from her pediatrician, to the nurse who marked her, to the doctor who hurt her, to me think about that? Of course, it was going to be inconclusive. Just look at her.
Sometimes, I get this stupid thought that my child’s health is the Doctor’s responsibility. I mean, they’d tell me if her coloring would be a problem, right? But, he obviously wasn’t thinking about Grace, specifically. That was my job. I didn’t even really want the test in the first place. Again, trusting the doctor more than myself.
So here is my advice:
- Be assertive.
- Don’t worry about stepping on egos or being polite.
- Be your child’s advocate.
- Ask questions.
- Above all, trust your instincts.
-Kay
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I love this post. Really really love it. Because I have found that all too often, the pediatrician’s idea of what should be done and mine are too different things. I had a pediatrician for my son when he was a tiny baby that misdiagnosed thrush. I just KNEW it wasn’t thrush. I quit giving him the medicine and made an appointment with another doctor. Turns out my baby had BRONCHITIS. I wish I had told the doctor right then, NO I KNOW It isn’t thrush! Neither is a serious condition, but something so simple being misdiagnosed is very scary.
Hi Christie, Good for you for taking the initiative to go to another doctor. It’s sometimes so difficult to do the legwork necessary in order to find another pediatrician. Between figuring out who’s covered under insurance and just having the energy (after dealing with a sick child) it can seem easier to just “trust” your doctor, even when it doesn’t feel right. It took me a while to figure out that my instincts, when it comes to my kids, are pretty good.
I just went to a conference on bioethics and literature. I was surrounded by doctors who are writers, and so I got to listen in to some very elite conversations that I otherwise would not have been privvy to. I gained a whole new understanding of doctors. They are soooo human, even as they themselves — and we — bestow them with Godlike attributes. Your post reminds me, too, of the five years that my eldest child had pain in his leg. We were moving quite a bit during that time and we went to doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist. The pain was 24-7. He was on anti-inflammatories round the clock. They couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Finally, when I was 8.5 months pregnant with my third child and beyond worry, his kidneys began to show signs of weakness because of all the anti-inflammatory drugs. His doctor told me I needed to get him off the anti-inflammatories. But what was I to do, I said. Take him to a psychologist, she said. Her suggestion was that it was all in his head. This is one thing, too, that the doctors at that conference acknowledged: When they can’t figure out what else it is, they suggest it’s all in the patient’s imagination. I nearly went ballistic at this pediatrician’s suggestion, as you can imagine. First of all, I know my child. Secondly, studies show that children do not make up pain. The story ends well: The following week we ended up with a compassionate and empathetic radiologist who said “We’re going to find what’s going on with your son’s leg.” It was, in fact, what all my research had begun to point to: Something called an osteoid osteoma, a tiny, benign tumor in the back of my son’s leg, which shoots a pain-producing hormone down the leg 24-7. We had surgery to remove the tumor and the leg was cured. I fired the doctor who told me that my son needed psychological attention. Thanks, Kay, for reminding me of the importance of advocating for our children.
Yikes, Debra-Lynn, how fortunate that you ended up with a doctor who helped you get to the root of the problem. Your comment on children not inventing pain, reminds me of my daughter at a young age (2 years old) frequently telling me her head hurt. Her pediatrician (same one who lost her records) told me that children are unable to pinpoint pain or to really understand it. He told me it could mean that her tummy hurt or even just something she had figured out got her attention. To this day, my daughter suffers from headaches. She knew exactly what she was talking about!
[...] Hard Lessons I’ve Learned at the Pediatrician’s Office – You are in charge of your child’s health. Period. I’ve gotten much better at this over the years for the simple reason that I’ve learned to be much more outspoken and assertive with their pediatricians. A few hard lessons changed my … [...]