Except for a sentence containing the words, “pregnant” or “wrecked the car,” few words uttered by a child have the potential to be more threatening than: “I think I want to become a vegetarian.”

Such was the announcement made by my 19-year-old the other day, as he attempts to join the ranks of an increasing number of environmentally and socially conscious young people who have chosen vegetarianism as one means to the end.

As a former vegetarian, I believe not eating meat to be almost unequivocally good:

– Vegetarians leave less of a carbon footprint, as more than half the U.S. grain and nearly 40 percent of world grain is being fed to livestock rather than being consumed directly by humans. (according to Cornell Science News). It takes 3 to 15 times as much water to produce animal protein as it does plant protein. (Source: http://www.britishmeat.com/49.htm)

– Vegetarianism is proven to be better for overall health, as eating meat increases the risk for a host of health problems, including heart disease. Most meat raised for food is pumped with antibiotics and hormones, which is not good for our consumption.

– From an ethical standpoint, choosing vegetarianism is choosing to boycott the way meat is raised. I hesitate to be graphic in this space about this. As a former newspaper reporter who once wrote a story documenting life on a hog farm, I have seen firsthand some astonishingly inhumane practices in the name of putting bacon on the table. To read about some of these practices, check out the Sierra Club’s info on Inhumane Treatment of Farm Animals.

However.

The reason I am a former vegetarian and not a current vegetarian is that after 10 years of refusing roast beef, I wound up with an iron deficiency.

This is not because a vegetarian diet is inherently vitamin-deficient.

It is because getting the right nutrients from a vegetarian diet requires a shift in thinking and in behavior - by both the eater AND the cook. In this case, the latter would be me, as my son is home from college for the summer and I am the primary chef.

Certain Things to Respect Before Going Vegetarian

I told my son I was proud of his thinking, as he outlined all the reasons for wanting to be a vegetarian, which included the inhumane practices I alluded to, and a desire to walk more gently on the Earth.

I also told him that getting the right nutrients from a vegetarian diet is not just making the decision not to eat meat. Getting the right nutrients from a vegetarian diet means eating whole grains – not white rice, pasta and bagels like he and his cohort gravitate to. Going vegetarian means adding nuts, legumes and leafy greens to the typical teenager’s diet, all of which will help make up for the nutrients and vitamins, like B12, iron and zinc, that meat used to provide.

I do not want to discourage my son, or anybody, from becoming vegetarian or from openly exploring the reasons for choosing this lifestyle. My son is an increasingly socially conscious young man who is decidedly on the right track toward living a life of tolerance and humanity.

Certainly, I can’t control what he eats, not at 19. Nor would I want to.

But along with social and environmental consciousness, there are other kinds of consciousness, too, I told him, to include personal health and responsibility.

“Show me you can respect your need to eat healthy as much as you respect the animals you don’t want to eat. And then I’ll participate,” I told him.

For great information on teens and vegetariansm, visit the Vegetarian Resource Group’s Teenager Vegetarians page.

–Debra-Lynn

The 4th is always our big summer blowout.

In the past we split the holiday between my family and my husband’s. At home with his family we go to an outdoor amphitheatre to listen to the Pops play John Phillip Sousa, and watch fireworks. The next day we pack up and head to my folks’ who retired to a small lake community about four hours away.

This 4th is going to be a whopper: my husband’s immediate family is coming to my parents’ house for the extended weekend. And I’m not quite sure how I feel about it.

I’m mostly being selfish because when we go with just our kids I take the opportunity to tune out and chill. My mom takes mornings with the kids and I get to sleep in. At night, my husband usually does bedtime so I can hang out with my parents. It’s all pretty wonderful for me.

I love the fact that my parents’ house is a destination and that everyone wants to come. But I also feel the need to go into “hostess mode” since my parents are in their 70’s and I don’t want them shouldering all the extra work. Hostess mode is not relaxing… it’s a heck of a lot of work.

I will get to enjoy some great food. For us that means that one night we grill really GOOD steaks and have fresh corn, potatoes and salad. For the kids my mom makes Cowboy Beans (which my daughter requests every trip). There will be the requisite campfire with marshmallows including all the extras for S’mores (for those who feel the need to ruin the perfection of a lightly toasted puff of sugar and air).

The great news this year is that we have some new toys to play with.

My sister-in-law purchased a new inflatable for the back of the boat so the smaller kids could ride (the tube was way too scary both for them and for the moms). If the weather cooperates there should be one full day of boating fun for everyone!

Also, my husband has commandeered his childhood sailboat from his parents’ house so there will be at least one hour of entertainment as we all watch my son and husband attempt to sail. My plan is to plant myself on the dock with a refreshing beverage and have towels ready for when they swim in (hopefully dragging the boat behind them.)

The kids have new fishing polls – and I’m sure there will be a picture perfect moment with my mom holding a fish so Katie can kiss it before they throw it back in.

Now to get packing…

- Sarah

My friend and fellow mom, Kelly and I regularly conduct a clothing swap.

She shares boy clothes with me. I share girl clothes with her. We usually share a drink and some time laughing. Frankly, it’s a beautiful thing!

I have not had to purchase anything but shoes and underwear for my kids for most of their lives. Roughly that adds up to several thousand dollars (and yes, they dress nicely and in style!).

If you haven’t considered creating a clothing swap circle of friends, consider it. Here are some benefits:

• Great way to save money (LOTS of money!)
• Great way to teach sharing to your kids (it also teaches them to “let go” – but that will be another post)
• Great way meet with friends, other parents. If you’re new to the area, ask around at your community centers, schools, neighborhood watch meetings, or look onto parenting blogs or websites for ideas on meeting parents like you. Or try joining a blog like CafeMom to meet some local friends!

Remember, once you’ve cycled out the clothes between your circle of friends, donate them to a charitable organization like the Salvation Army or Goodwill. And keep on giving – and keep on teaching your kids to share!

- Lisa

There are Harry Potter fans. And there are Harry Potter fan-atics.

My two older children fall into the former category.

As for my youngest child, a bespectacled 11-year-old with red hair who looks very much like Harry’s best friend, Ron Weasley, he is three-quarters of the way through his 70th reading of an HP volume. I think this highly qualifies him to be in the latter category.

That’s 10 times for the first, second and the third books, he tells me; 11 for the fourth, fifth and sixth; and he’s into a seventh reading of the seventh and final book.

That’s 42,000 pages of Quidditch-playing, broom-riding and spell-making, absorbed upon waking, before sleeping and at all points in between.

As for his other duties and responsibilities — like school — for a geography lesson a year ago, he made a map of a Harry Potter Island in the shape of a scar. For the goods and services unit of social studies, he constructed a box of cereal he called “Potter Puffs.” For an art project, he drew a monstrous chocolate-and- marshmallow sundae that he named “A Potter-tastic sundae.”

“My idea of a perfect day,” my preteen wrote for a language arts essay, “is waking up and reading Harry Potter for two hours. Then I would have a Harry Potter soccer party.”

He does play soccer. And baseball. He practices piano, drums and cello, makes A’s in math and science and has lots of friends. But during his spare time, this youngest child in the family stumps the rest of us with obscure HP quizzes nobody else in the family can answer.

“What does S.P.E.W. stand for?” he asks as we sit dumbfounded. “Who falls in the Black Lake in the fourth book?”

Can a Child Read Too Much?

I would be lying if I said I have never worried about this child one day showing up with an owl on his shoulder and announcing he’s moving to Hogwarts.

The other day, indeed, I thought my fears were being realized.

“Mom, I think Harry Potter’s gone to my head,” my son said.

“Wha-what do you mean exactly?,” I asked, putting on my best pretending-not-to-sound-worried mother voice.

“I just called something ‘rubbish’ .”

“That’s it? You just said the word, ‘rubbish’?”

“Yes, Mom,” he said. “What is rubbish anyway?”

Rubbish is a mother freaking out because her normal son who plays sports and music and makes A’s in school, loves to read.

Rubbish is thinking that just because a child loves really good literature, which also happens to be fantasy, means he is going to turn into a wizard and fly away.

I remember his older brother, whose passion for reading first emerged with an obsession with the Goosebumps series. The fantasy in Harry Potter is tame compared to the gruesome, scary murders in these morality play books, worried me no end. And yet this child is 19 now and leans more toward Gandhi on the peace-violence scale. He is also an avid reader and writer, behaviors I can’t help but attribute, at least some, to his reading of Goosebumps.

I encourage my younger son to read other books, and to talk about other things.

Meanwhile, I support his love of the nerdy boy on the broom whose character and wisdom, he tells me, is what he likes most about the HP books.

“Look at this passage,” Mom. “I love the way these words go together.”

Harry Potter, who alas went off the bestseller list last month, lives on in one little boy’s lifelong love of reading.

HP gives my youngest son, who often gets lost in the sauce, a sense of ownership and accomplishment.

HP gives my son a sense of something separate and special while the rest of us compare as mere Muggles.

(For the Harry Potter fan in your house, there are all kinds of websites to feed his or her hunger, even if J.K. never picks up a quill pen again. For fun HP activities and games, check out the official website.)

- Debra-Lynn

If your home is like mine, then you occasionally find stuff around the house and ask yourself, why am I keeping this? Then you promptly put it back where you found it and move on.

Because one day, ONE DAY, you just might need it.

Ladies and gentlemen, that day has come. I need to sell it, whatever it is (or try to anyways)! A-ha! A garage sale!

My mom suggested that we put one together just to clean the house out and get a little extra cash for a summer vacation this year. (Plus it could be a fun family activity.) While the vacation part sounded good, I was utterly offended by the “cleaning out the house” statement.

Whuddayamean?! I don’t have that much stuff!

Once the idea sunk in a bit, I started looking around. Hmmm, if I sold off my high-end servers, I could maybe get us all to Disney World! And if I sold all of my old albums, I could get us tickets to get in to Disney World! Yes, I am rather realistic about what income a garage sale will provide, but it helped me realize – I have a lot of junk!

In my early 20’s, I accumulated maybe a box a year. Mostly memorabilia, cards, pictures and books. Then I became a computer geek, and my closets started filling up with items I pulled from various garbage piles or office clean outs.

Then I bought a house, which requires a dizzying array of accoutrements that get used once and put on a shelf. Then the old furniture gets replaced with the new furniture and the entire basement and garage are suddenly full!

Ok! Fine! It’s time to get rid of a few things. Mom suggests making three piles:

• Sell
• Donate
• Trash

Whatever doesn’t sell automatically becomes donation. Then whatever the Salvation Army doesn’t want will become trash.

It’s a summer-long process for us. Ok, it’s a slow process for me. I feel compelled to lookup everything on eBay and see what the going price is for my valuable collectables. It turns out not much in most cases, which is fine. Now I just need to accept the loss and move on.

It’ll be fun to have the actual garage sale. We have plenty of room for parking, the little girls want to have a lemonade stand to readily serve our thirsty shoppers, and my mom has volunteered to come up for the day to help out.

The little kids will be selling some old toys, we’ve got lots of girls’ clothes that don’t fit anymore, and lots and lots of gadgets. We’ve got some larger items that will probably get sold first on eBay or Craigslist, but if they don’t go there, you can get it for a bargain this summer!

After careful consideration and evaluation, I have determined that we can at least get to Cedar Point this year, which will be totally worth parting with all my old junk. I’ll take my family and my wonderful kids over “stuff” any day!

- John

Recently, I was talking to my sister, Holly, on the telephone. As we spoke, she was cleaning her windows and then recleaning as her 18-month-old followed her around and made new fingerprints all over the newly washed glass. Holly commented on how someday she’d have nice sparkling windows but she’d probably miss seeing her daughter’s chubby little handprints.

I agreed, but later as I was once again picking up toys, washing out the sink, and doing my daily “maintenance” cleaning, I wondered if I would, in fact, miss the mess of my children.

I thoroughly enjoy my children’s humor, conversation, and physical presence but not particularly their dirt and clutter. My dog and husband are big contributors, as well.

It would be satisfying to wipe off my kitchen counters and come back a few hours later to, voila, clean counters. It would feel almost like magic. In my house, I am apt to come back to toast crumbs, empty glasses, and perhaps a smear of peanut butter.

I saw a special about the Smithsonian Museum in Washington DC. I learned that there is a painting crew whose only job is to paint The Smithsonian. It is so huge that by the time they’ve finished painting the entire thing, it’s time to start over again.

That’s how I feel about my house.

It’s not especially large, but I seem to be the only one on the cleaning crew. By the time I’ve managed to clean my entire home, it’s time to start over again.

I have made many valiant attempts to have the rest of my family join my cleaning crew. I have a bit more leverage in the summer with my children. I’m able to threaten, I mean motivate, them by telling them chores first, play later. This is very effective and is also an excellent life lesson.

They often hear me say, “Do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do”. If I can get that message drilled into them by college, it will serve them well in life. I have tried various strategies over the years and found that they all work for a time until we all seem to lose interest. For some ideas on how to get your youngsters busy with age appropriate chores and for some cute printable chore lists, (even some using only pictures for the little guys) click here.

This past spring, I attempted to establish a strict no shoes in the house rule. Everyone was very conscientious at first, especially when I was watching. Now, they’ve started this thing where they tiptoe very gently across the rug to grab a forgotten item, rather than removing their shoes. I think they learned this trick from their father. A few months from now, we’ll be right back where we started. Everyone, except me, will be walking around the house with his or her shoes on.

Frustrating? Very.

End of the world? Not even close.

Someday, it will just be my husband and me, and I won’t have to deal with the endless spills and toy pickups. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll miss the mess at all. However, if you ask me - would I rather have the kids with their messes, or no kids at all and a spotless house - that’s a no-brainer.

That is really the point my sister was making and is one I’d do well to reflect on during my daily cleaning.

-Kay

All of my girls are water babies. Meghan the Pisces swims like a fish. Tori and Claire are both Aquarians and can’t get enough pool time. However, it wasn’t always this way. Claire was terrified of swimming when she was 6 but you’d never know it today!

I raised Meg and Tori in the water. We’d swim whenever we could, and I always had some little pool of water for them to splash around in. Being a Pisces myself, I never understood kids that didn’t like to swim or play in the water.

Not until Claire came along at age 6 and showed me the true paranoia some kids have about the water.

She would run away screaming if she was splashed. She would panic if her chin dipped below the water line. Claire didn’t even like getting a shower because it got her face wet. It all boils down to a fear of not being able to breathe.

It took almost 2½ years to actually teach her how to swim underwater. We made progress all the time, but not until I spent a very focused half-hour explaining to Claire about how to hold your breath was she able to swim underwater. I was so proud of her that day!

If you have a pool, keep in mind that while your kids might be Aces in the water, they may have friends who are not. If horsing around sends one of their friends into a panic they would feel awful, so it’s best to have a few common sense pool rules beyond the standard poolside safety rules.

• Let the kids know that new friends can’t just jump in before meeting with you. Meet your kids’ friends. Make sure they are not going to go crazy before you let them get in!

• Tell them they are not allowed to go crazy. Being literal with kids is the best way to communicate. Tell them the poolside rules and make sure they understand.

• Hang out for awhile the first time they are in. Mill around and pretend you’re not there or interact with them, but just make sure they are having a good time and not nervous or scared.

• Make sure the child can touch the bottom. We have a 4’ deep pool that some of the neighborhood kids aren’t allow to swim in because they can’t touch.

• Don’t leave little kids unsupervised. If they are single digit ages, you should keep an eye on them. If your back is turned for any reason, listen for the lack of sound. Have them take a “pool break” if you need to go in the house.

• Under no circumstances are the kids allowed to play any games that include screaming “HELP ME! HELP ME!” “Help me” is only for emergencies.

Just a few ideas from me to you as we enter another fun summer! Let me know if you have any tips for swimming pool safety or fun!

-John

It seems as if every neighborhood has one. We had one in the neighborhood I grew up in. So did my husband. Now we have one in our current neighborhood.

I’m talking about the family whose children run loose.

As I’m writing this, I’m listening to the noise of my 5-year-old splashing in her little pool with a friend, Ellie (not her real name), who is allowed to leave her house early in the morning and stay out until dark. I’ve watched her knock on front doors until some mom allows her to stay. Today, I’m that mom.

The first time I met Ellie was shortly after I moved into my home. She was climbing a ladder leaning against her house. I was walking, pushing a stroller, and noticed a chunky toddler precariously high up. Alarmed, I helped her down, knocked on her front door, and alerted her father to the situation. Being new to the neighborhood, I assumed that she had escaped and that it was lucky that I happened to be walking by. Now, I understand that she and her brother are essentially raising themselves.

Ellie’s now 6-years-old and will do anything for adult attention. She leans into me and puffs up with pride when complimented. She’s extremely independent and I’ve never seen her cry. At times, she makes heartbreaking comments such as, “Would you love me if I was your daughter?”

How devastating it must be to her sense of self to come to the realization that she lacks what most children take for granted: her parents’ time and attention.

So, how involved should mothers become with these needy children? It is so tempting to just throw on another hotdog and paper plate at dinnertime. Often, I do. However, at other times I resent the added responsibility of having another child around so frequently.

Monitoring what is best for our own children has to be our first priority. Beyond that, I believe that we should all do as much as we can to help others. You may make a significant impact on another child, and you will certainly teach your own children about kindness. However, establish some boundaries for dealing with neighborhood children or you may be setting yourself up for frustration.

• Develop rules. For example, maybe you want to let your child only play outside with their “Ellie.” One neighbor told Ellie that she isn’t allowed any meals at her home. We tell Ellie that if our garage door is closed, she is not to come over.

• Don’t feel the need to explain these rules to your child or to Ellie. Don’t go on and on about privacy or boundaries. Ellie doesn’t really understand all of that. Just the rules, period.

• Don’t hesitate to call the child abuse hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD if you believe there is any abuse or neglect. It’s confidential and they will let you know if your concern is valid.

• There may come a day when you need to part ways with your Ellie. Even as I was writing this, I overheard Ellie telling my daughter that the plastic fish in the baby pool are drunk. My Olivia thought this hilarious but has absolutely no idea what it means. My hope is that Ellie will have the knowledge to screen what she says or does in my home, knowing my rules. However, if that isn’t the case, my choice is clear.

• Don’t underestimate the power of your kindness, even if it seems miniscule to you. One Mom lets Ellie call anytime. This must be so comforting to Ellie when she feels scared or lonely.

• Volunteer to help out. If you can run that child home from Scouts along with your own, why not? Help with homework if you have time in your schedule. Ellie picked flowers in my garden for Teacher Appreciation Week and was overjoyed.

Don’t expect the parents to acknowledge or thank you for your assistance. I don’t believe Ellie’s parents even know my name.

-Kay

If you have shared custody of your children, then you have a delicate period of adjustment in your home whenever your child or children change households. There are some important things to be aware of, and they will help you and your child make an easier transition every time.

Have you noticed that when your child returns from visitation with your ex, everything seems tense and the house is in an uproar for half the week? Yeah?! Well, I bet you didn’t know the craziest part - it’s your fault.

My first wife and I simply don’t get along very well. We never really did. We had some good times, obviously enough to get married at one point, but we’re just very different people, and both very stubborn. That lead to the fighting, which lead to the divorce, which lead to more fighting – but at least it was no longer in front of the kids.

For over two years my wife was my mortal adversary, and I hers, and we had to “share” the kids.  It was awkward, but somehow we managed it and the kids survived. I am happy to report today that shared custody works very well, and my ex and I are even amicable about sporting events and special visits.

Still, transitions between houses can be difficult for everyone, not just the kids. Chances are there are different rules and expectations with the different houses, and it takes a while for kids and parents to adjust. 

Because our visitation is in sync we go through a BIG transition every other week. My wife and I kick back into parental mode, and the kids all come back at once. We are all happy and excited to see each other, but the first few hours can be sketchy.

Here are a few rules we try to stick to when our children return:

• Sit down to a meal. Get everyone together to talk about their week apart, instead of going off in different directions. Finish it off with a fun family game. Plan it. Do it.

• When talking with the kids, acknowledge and respect the other parents and the good times they have with the kids. Meaning – don’t react negatively if you learn that the kids are going on a big vacation or doing something special with the other parents.

• Give them some time to adjust. Give kids reminders of the rules before they get in trouble, and give them a warning (or two) before punishing them. 

• Don’t get upset over your own issues. Sometimes we hear information about the other households and it can be upsetting. We have to do a reality check about why it upsets us before we react negatively in front of the kids.

• Do your best to get along with your ex. You’re not together anymore for a reason, but the kids still need you both to be good parents. When you get along, the kids can tell and are much more comfortable at both.

How you act and react are a big part of how your kids behave around you. If you seem agitated or upset, they will pick up on it and react accordingly, often making things worse. We all want to spend good quality time with our kids, so remember to conduct yourself as a good loving parent, and you will get great times in return.

- John

I am so fortunate to work someplace that lets the employees bring their dogs in once a year to celebrate their companionship and share them with their coworkers. (It’s the annual Take Your Dog to Work Day celebration.)

I’ve always thought of myself as a cat person, but as I get older and my kids get older… I am thinking more and more of getting a dog. Today just made that desire even stronger!

I was able to bring my 14-year-old stepdaughter in with me today. She offered to volunteer to help all the organizers watch the dogs and coordinate the events. She loves animals and longs to work as a veterinarian someday. Watching her along with all of the other young kids play and interact with the dogs, it makes me realize how great dogs are in teaching children such valuable lessons.

I got to watch elementary school age kids be proud parents of their pets, and they showed such maturity as they care for their dogs. I watched the older children facilitate a bake sale, silent auction, and a professional photo shoot for the owners and their dogs. They were so reliable, and while they were excited to be with the dogs, they kept it all together to truly help out.

These are values and behaviors that I’d love my 8-year-old to have. She is a great kid (what mom would say otherwise?), but she seems to lack compassion for others and understanding of responsibility. I think she has just come to expect that I,her father and her stepfather are just around to take care of her, her wants, and her needs.

Up until today, I felt like she is probably right on track for an 8-year-old and they just aren’t at that age where they care as much about others as they do for themselves. But from what I’ve seen today, it appears a dog could teach my daughter what I haven’t so far: to love and care for another being who needs to be cared for and loved in order to thrive.

We have two cats which all the kids like to play with occasionally, and that works out great for them because - since they are cats - they are pretty independent and aloof… shocker! After watching the dogs and their owners and kids interact today, I realize that there is something different about a kid who loves their dog.

They are just a little more sensitive and aware of their surroundings. They seem a little more responsible and in control when they are in charge of their pet. What’s most wonderful is how much they love them and how proud they are to have them.

This was a perspective I never thought I’d have. I was a cat person who wasn’t a big fan of drool and tufts of hair floating through my living room.

But as I sit and type this covered in fur with drool stains on my jeans and dog smell on my hands… I think I have been converted.

-Holly